By Apple standards, today's event was a blockbuster, covering major product updates in three different categories. One is notable, two is a party, but seriously — three? We're still catching our breath.

The good news is that you don't need to sit through a two-hour presentation to catch up on all the news if you don't want to — using the magic of modern technology, we've been able to compress the event down to a far more digestible 8 minutes. Sit back, watch, enjoy, and take this opportunity to figure out which credit cards have enough available balance to charge all this stuff.