You know what iPhone owners like more than anything else? Making buying decisions completely antithetical to those that led them to buy iPhones, of course. It just makes sense.

Well, at least according to Fortune.

“Why Android Wear will give the Apple Watch a run for its money” (tip o’ the antlers to Nathan Larsen)

The Apple Watch is no longer the only choice for iPhone users.

Thrilling literally dozens of people.

While there are some trade-offs in design and functionality…

[The Macalope turns to the camera and raises one eyebrow.]

…Google-powered wearables are starting to look a lot more promising…

They look slightly less like explosive house-arrest bracelets! Buy one today.

Why will people rush to get Android Wear watches to pair with their iPhones? Price, of course.

…with Android Wear devices selling at a variety of price points, they might just gain a footing among consumers in a way the Apple Watch hasn’t.

How are you going to keep them on the Apple farm when they’ve seen the cheap lights of the big Android Wear city?

For example, the sub-$200 ASUS Zenwatch will go on sale next month with iPhone support baked in…

Uh, have you… seen the Asus Zenwatch? It’s not much to look at. But at least it’s similar in size to the Apple Watch at 40mm. Haha, no, that’s the short side. The long side is 51mm. You might as well just strap your iPhone to your wrist. Or an iPad. Or all of the space/time continuum.

…the popular, mid-range Moto 360…

Define “popular” in this context because by the laws governing language and logic in this universe that would have to be hysterical.

…already appears to offer some basic functionality when paired with an iOS device.

Basic functionality? Where do we sign up?

There are some potential drawbacks…

You mean the world of blunt cylinder sections, needlessly cut-off user interfaces and restricted functionality isn’t all kittens and rainbows?

iPhone users won’t be able to download third-party apps either, though this should be less of a dealbreaker.

Sure, who likes downloading apps? Practically nobody. Most of those “billions of apps downloaded” numbers Apple likes to report come from one guy in Duluth, Minnesota.

Some iPhone owners won’t want to make the jump to Google-powered software, and some aren’t yet sold on wearables at all, but for those dipping their toes into the smartwatch waters, the lower prices and more plentiful hardware options available on Android Wear make it an appealing first choice.

Sure, they’ve already shown by buying an iPhone that they value Apple’s ecosystem, good design and security over price or hardware choice, but surely they’ll change their criteria when it comes to smartwatches, right?

It’s true that looks are subjective. Well, except for the Zenwatch. Good lord. But none of the Android Wear watches look very good to the Macalope’s eye. The Moto 360 is simply a cylinder section and the Huawei Watch is barely better. It and the LG Watch Urbane (NICE NAME, GUYS, NAILED IT) both look like they’re trying too hard to be “nice” watches. And not succeeding.

The only Apple Watch competitor that actually looks good to the horny one is ironically the upcoming Tizen-based Samsung Gear S2, which isn’t trying to fool anyone that it’s a luxury watch. But it might only reportedly may be coming to the iPhone.

"We are looking at possibilities to open it up to iOS," an unnamed source said to be an official Samsung spokesperson said.

This person who may or may not even exist, said the company was kinda thinking about maybe doing a thing.

Android Wear might do well among Android phone owners. Maybe it’ll eventually do well enough to beat the Apple Watch, who knows? But iPhone owners buy iPhones for a reason. That reason makes it highly unlikely they’re going to rush out and buy Android Wear watches in significant numbers.