You know that it’s been a busy week on the internet when even a pizza-loving rat can go viral. Perhaps that was just a pleasant—who doesn’t love pizza, just like that rat?—diversion from weightier topics that gripped the virtual denizens of this internet we all live on, including terrible people in charge of drug prices, terrible people in charge of airport security, and politicians allegedly committing sex acts with dead pigs. Oh, if only that last one was a joke. Here, my dear, are some of the biggest stories you might have missed from the last seven days on the world wide web.

What Would Doritos Do?

What Happened: Remember the guy who pretended to be Target on Facebook to respond to bigots? Now he’s pretending to be Doritos.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Mike Melgaard was already the Hero of the Internet for assuming the role of Target’s truth-telling Facebook representative back in August, defending the company’s decision to go gender-neutral with its signage. This week, he returned to the idea by becoming Doritos ForHelp, the unofficial customer representative for Doritos when it came to responding to idiots complaining about the limited edition rainbow chips, launched to support the It Gets Better project.

“You just lost my business. I’m tired of having this shoved at me from every direction,” one bigot complained. Doritos ForHelp’s response? “May we ask what is being shoved into your face from every direction?” Another wrote, “I am 60 & have purchased doritos all over the world for 43 years. If you want to sell rainbow by mail; I tell you now, I will never buy another of your long line of products.” The response? “First off, thank you for your 43 years as a world wide connoisseur of our famous Doritos. Unfortunately, you are well passed what we in the business like to call our ‘customer demographic.’ Your world views are just too outdated for our business model.”

Perhaps the best response came when talking to a pastor who complained about Doritos “endors[ing] the homosexual lifestyle” with the release of the rainbow chips. “It would just be easier for you to be consistent all across the board and continue eating our Doritos,” Melgaard wrote. “Besides, what would Jesus do? Jesus would eat Doritos.”

Of course, Melgaard’sreturnwasquicklynoticedandnotedbytheinternet. And why not? If something is going to go viral, then why shouldn’t it be someone fighting back against intolerance?

The Takeaway: First Target, then Doritos. Which company will end up being the conclusion of this particular ersatz trilogy of faux customer service? Perhaps more importantly, which company will be the first to be inspired by Melgaard’s example and start straight-talking to its bigoted customers on social media?

Of Pigs and Politicians

What Happened: And then someone said that they had a solid source who alleged the British prime minister has put his penis in the mouth of a dead pig.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Of all the news stories you might expect to read about the prime minister of the United Kingdom, one where he allegedly put his penis into the mouth of a dead pig was probably not on the list. And yet, last Sunday, there it was, sourced from an upcoming tell-all book about the PM, Call Me Dave, by Conservative Party donor Lord Michael Ashcroft and journalist Isabel Oakeshott. (The context was basically that Cameron did it as a student because … well, God knows. Also, and importantly: the story came from a third hand source, and may not be true.)

The Internet reacted as might be expected, with mock and awe:

Perhaps the most amusing reaction came from Charlie Brooker, whose first episode of Black Mirror featured the Prime Minister forced to have sex with a pig:

“I probably wouldn’t have bothered writing an episode of a fictional comedy-drama if I’d known. I’d have been running around screaming it into traffic,” he later told The Guardian in response to repeated questions about whether or not he’d had advance warning of the story. “It’s a complete coincidence, albeit a quite bizarre one.”

Of course, the resultant fallout had reaction round-ups from politicos, explanations about why it wasn’t that unbelievable if you’d been paying attention, spin doctors talking about how they would’ve dealt with the story, and more.

For his part, Cameron has refused to publicly comment on the story (while privately denying it, of course), but others don’t feel the same need to hold back; when the Prime Minister tweeted for the first time since the news broke, many people responded with images of pigs. This one could run and run (all the way home—OK, you got there before me).

The Takeaway: There’s something so over-the-top about this story—especially considering this particular piece of American political history—that makes it feel surreal even after almost a week of it being in existence. If nothing else, suddenly US politics feel nice and tame again by comparison.